YOU’RE NOT ALONE: Looking back on the grim warning signs of suicide

“I get angry too, I think, because I think, ‘Couldn’t you have had enough faith in us that it was going to be OK? That we would have made sure that it was OK?’ The middle of the night is a scary time,” Buckle says.

Image Credit: Contributed / Rothenburger and Buckle family

“And my favourite picture is Mykel posing as somebody who’d gotten up in the morning with a cup of coffee and reading the Kamloops Daily News.”

Mel Rothenburger is a well known figure in the Kamloops community — from his newspaper career to his time in the mayor’s chair. But away from the spotlight, he is Edyn’s father and Mykel’s grandfather.

He became closer with his daughter in the year after Mykel’s death, but struggled with grieving a relationship he never had with Mykel.

“One of the things we talked about a lot of course was Mykel and she told me so much about him. So I have come to know him just a little bit late. I feel I know his strengths, I know his weaknesses, I know that he was a human being struggling to become an adult — and if only he’d made it, how wonderful he would have been.”
_{– Mel Rothenburger}

Mykel started showing signs of mental illness and suicidal behaviour in his early teens, right around puberty. Bullying from his peers also took its toll.

“He had trouble with anger management sometimes,” Buckle says. “But he was learning to kind of deal with it as he got older and I think once he hit puberty then you get all the hormonal things. So then depression, and again the lack of self esteem, the bullying carried on, and I think he just, he finally…”

Image Credit: Contributed / Kym Gallagher

Kym Gallagher’s 17-year-old son Austin died last April. He dealt with rage and anger issues, often feeling isolated.

“If I can help another family not have to go through this… another young life, or even an older person,” Gallagher says. “Suicide’s just so rampant right now with everybody — they just think that they’re just going to end it, and it does get better. If they can just make it one more day. There is help. There is help — it’s just a matter of finding the right person to talk to.”

The impact of Austin’s death is felt by his family, friends and church community.

“It’s a hard place to even drive across. I try to avoid it. This is my first time in the (Peterson Creek) park in a year,” his friend and youth pastor Hannah Juras says.

Juras says Austin would always put others before himself, making it difficult for his friends to realize the extent of his mental health issues.

“So for a long time we just kind of assumed you know normal teenage, ‘Oh, I’m not happy today,’ or whatever that looks like,” Juras says. “He would downplay, I think, the range and severity of his emotions, truly because he didn’t want the attention on himself. But he did share a few times.”

These faces represent just a small fraction of those who are impacted by suicide loss in our community. Each of their stories is unique, but they are bonded together through grief, pain, loss, and a willingness to change the way society views mental illness.

Image Credit: CFJC Today / Evan Fitzer

Mental health professionals say signs of suicidal behaviours can include increased substance use, feelings of helplessness or hopelessness, anxiety, insomnia, acting reckless, and feeling isolated.

Heather Grieve with Interior Health says if someone is concerned that a loved one is experiencing suicidal thoughts, it’s often beneficial to ask them that question directly.

“Sometimes there’s relief that somebody has actually been direct about asking the question and that they have an opportunity to tell their story,” Grieve says. “There are obviously always going to be people who do not tell you that that’s what they’re experiencing, and unfortunately those individuals are often at the highest of high risk, because they’ve gotten to a point where they’re not willing to have any kind of discussion about it.”

by Ashley Legassic

YOU’RE NOT ALONE: Looking back on the grim warning signs of suicide

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