When maternity leave ends

Those first critical months of a child’s life are so demanding and exhausting; being able to bond with your baby while also recovering from the gruelling process of making a human without the added demands of outside employment is a credit to our country. (Yay, Canada!)

(As a side note: I find it hard to imagine how much of an asset I really could have been in a workplace while running on 5 hours of broken sleep, trying to maintain my breast milk supply, being covered in spit-up and wondering every second of the day how my infant was doing. Hats off to you mamas who have done that very thing.)

I remember counting down the days with dread until my maternity leave would end while also living in deep denial that I would ever have to return to work. When that inevitable day did arrive and I had to leave my not-quite-one-year-old in the care of someone else, it was as difficult as you might expect.

The beginning of new routines, time apart and complicated juggling shifted our universe completely. Even with paid care that I completely trusted, leaving my baby in the arms of someone else who would feed, snuggle, change and spend that time with him in my stead was, well, heartbreaking.

Whether you are able to take full advantage of a maternity leave before returning to work or not, resuming a career after having a child is extremely difficult and complicated. There have been many days when I longed to be “just a mom” (ie. the hardest job in the world) again, no matter how much I also love, depend on and value my career. The desire to stay home to raise children and the need to work outside of the home are not mutually exclusive and women should stop being made to feel that they should be.

You don’t have to be completely content when home full time and you don’t have to feel guilty about being torn when at work. You can long to be home with your kids while still crushing at your job; it’s both normal and ok for a working mom to feel overwhelmed and conflicted.

But at the end of the day, working moms, there’s this:
Your kids are going to see their mama as a strong, capable, resourceful, contributing and purposeful individual and your example will empower them to become those things, too.

You are not failing your children when you go to work, even if you don’t make it to every field trip and can’t always be home after school — just as you are not failing anyone, including yourself, when you choose to stay home to raise your babies.

Leaving your children is hard. When a woman comes back to work after maternity leave, remember to show her grace and kindness; she’s still the capable, strong, qualified woman that she was before, but now she’s also a bit tired, frazzled and sometimes even a little sad.

I’ve been thinking about you, mamas who are returning to work. I remember what it was like. You’re on my heart and I’ve got your back as you begin to navigate the new reality of life after maternity leave ends.

Let’s purpose to encourage each other on the path of motherhood with a career while leaving judgment and guilt behind, because let’s face it: with all we’ve got going on, we don’t have the time and energy for those things anyway.

by Refraction

When maternity leave ends

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