‘Every day is the same’: Three years after Ryan’s disappearance, Heather Shtuka still wrestles with guilt

A small vigil group will take a distanced walk through Sun Peaks this anniversary, while others are asked to light candles from home. The Shtukas regularly return to the mountain for search efforts and can tell that the community hasn’t forgotten their son.

“Knowing that there’s people always looking for him — whether they go out and do purposeful walks, whether they actually come up to actively search — it is such a lessening of the burden of fear and guilt when I have to go back home,” Heather told CFJC Today.

Part of their routine is checking in with RCMP and meeting for updates when they come back to the area. Heather says there’s comfort in hearing the investigation is ongoing.

“On top of all the other duties that they have is that they haven’t given up, that he hasn’t taken a back-burner. That they still actively look after leads, chase tips, that sort of thing — whatever comes in,” she said.

As a parent, Heather says you war with yourself daily. Shtuka describes a constant desire to find her son, mixed with the recognition that he would want her to continue living.

“There’s so much guilt that comes with it. Not just the guilt of having potentially your child being gone forever — that, I don’t even know what that looks like. But the guilt of everyday living,” she explains. “When you think, ‘Oh my goodness, my son is waiting for me to find him and I’m just enjoying a smoothie or enjoying a cocktail or we’re having friends over.’ That sort of thing. That’s a difficult guilt to actually rise above.”

Ryan Shtuka disappeared while living and working at Sun Peaks in February of 2018. His family has never stopped looking.

To honour Ryan in a meaningful way, Heather has since joined others who have dealt with long term searches, founding the Free Bird Project.

In November of 2017, an aircraft flown by 28-year-old Dominic Neron and his 31-year-old girlfriend Ashley Bourgeault vanished, and the wreckage was not found until September of 2018 near Revelstoke. Dominic’s family eventually crossed paths with the Shtukas, and both families decided to make use of their experiences in continuing searches when official resources go home.

The Free Bird Project was created, and the non-profit is dedicated to helping families with missing loved ones navigate the search process. Shtuka says a large part of that is teaching others how to make use of civilian resources for searches.

“Just giving them insights on media relations, social media for sure, how to navigate through those things that nobody actually really teaches you about — the mediums and the intuitive, the private eyes and the messages that come in, and that overwhelming sense of everybody reaching out and not knowing how to deal with that.”

In order to build awareness, the Shtukas have never shied away from speaking publicly about the disappearance and the investigation. As the three-year mark arrives, Heather says the family plans to keep telling Ryan’s story.

“When you have hikers searching or you have hunters going out or people snowmobiling, any of those things, every single time Ryan is mentioned there is a possibility that somewhere along the line something will be found of his, and that we will have closure.”

For more information about Ryan’s disappearance, and about the Free Bird Project, click here to access their website.

by Dylana Kneeshaw

‘Every day is the same’: Three years after Ryan’s disappearance, Heather Shtuka still wrestles with guilt

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