The precipice of parenthood

Our capable teenager was with trusted people and has been relatively healthy since recovering from his most recent hospitalization last year. His cardiologist has cleared him for sports, his surgeons have all said he has satisfactorily recovered and all medical professionals have encouraged him to do anything he feels capable of.

Because of all of that logic, I had not consciously feared for him for a moment.

But so much of being a parent defies logic and consciousness.

Life keeps moving even after a crisis ends, but once you’ve seen your child’s heart beating inside of his open chest, or slept in a chair by his bedside for countless nights, or held his hand in the wee hours of the morning while alarms sound all around you, you never really shake it.

But that’s also the privilege of loving children after almost losing one.

It brings life to a screeching halt and makes the knowledge of their fragility tangible. It grows our gratitude for the children we hold (for the short time we hold them) in a whole new way — steeped in grace, covered in mercy and relentless in love.

Every mother has a moment when she experiences the reality of what it would be like to lose a child…

or remembers what it was like to lose a child…

or what it was like to struggle to have a child…

But no matter how hard, unpredictable or scary our path through parenthood is, there are still no perfect moms.

Whether they are the children that grew in our wombs or the ones who grew in our hearts, we are all just doing our best and must take comfort in the knowledge that, even in our imperfection, we were chosen to have the beautiful, irrevocable and often undeserved title of “Mom”.

May we never forget that holding, knowing and loving our children is a privilege that hinges on a heartbeat.

And to all of us who have a person who we call our child:

Today, and every day, Happy Mother’s Day.

by Refraction

The precipice of parenthood

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