By Refraction

Grudgingly I admit Bill Cosby is guilty

Sep 30, 2018 | 5:00 AM

I CAN’T TELL YOU how relieved I am to hear that a psychologist and assessment board officially branded Bill Cosby as a “sexually violent predator” who is likely to offend again if given the opportunity.

(suggested listening while you read: ‘Praying’ by Ke$ha)

I have, until now, been ever-so confused about what to think of it all, and I’m relieved to be told by an authority figure that it’s reasonable to be suspicious of a man who had been accused of premeditatedly drugging and sexually assaulting more than 60 women.

What a relief!

We wouldn’t have wanted to risk damaging one man’s reputation based on the word of only 60, 50, 40, 30, 20, 10 or – heaven forbid – one woman; that just wouldn’t feel fair.

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But once it was 60 women AND a psychologist? Well, then I suppose even the most devoted of fans must admit that Cosby can no longer be our favourite ’80s TV dad.

Part of my hesitation in condemning Cosby was that women are so oddly sensitive about being sexually violated these days that it’s hard to know who to believe; I mean, you can’t even sexually harass or slander a woman anymore without someone getting offended!

Sorry, did I say “sexually harass or slander?”

I meant “tell a joke.”

Silly me.

Most of the time it’s “just a joke,” but women are always taking it the wrong way, you know?

It would be different if jokes contributed to the normalization of rape culture or something, but I hear that “rape culture” probably isn’t even a real thing. Can only 1 in every 3 women worldwide experiencing sexualized violence in her lifetime really constitute a “culture?”

While some say that sounds like an epidemic, I’m still not convinced; better that us ladies just learn to “take a joke” as a compliment and enjoy the attention no matter cost or consequence.

And speaking of attention, maybe these women have only torn their lives apart to tell these traumatic, violating and deeply personal stories because they’re looking for a spotlight or need cash! Ever think of that? Everyone knows we women want attention and money however we can get it, amiright? I bet you know the name of every one of Cosby’s victims now because reporting sexual assault brings the very best kind of lucrative fame; totally worth it just for that.

Although we have shaped our whole world so that women have to live by a completely different set of rules in a daily attempt to avoid sexual assault or harassment (ie. watch what you wear, don’t walk alone, check the bathroom stalls, travel in twos, carry a rape whistle, etc.) it still makes perfect sense to assume that a woman is fabricating an assault — and how much more is that true if the accused is famous, wears fun sweaters, sells pudding pops and was Rudy Huxtable’s dad?!

We don’t want to just let that fun image go because five dozen women “claim” he sexually assaulted them, do we?

That’s a big ask.

Plus, he’s old and I don’t think old men should be held responsible for the things they did when they were younger men, that just doesn’t feeeeeel fair.

Also, I hardly need mention that if Cosby really did rape all of those women then they could’ve/should’ve/would’ve come forward sooner; after all, historically sexual assault survivors have consistently been believed/supported, the victim has never been blamed, reporting isn’t incredibly re-traumatizing and sexual offenders are given proportional punishments without fail, so why wouldn’t they?!

Poor Bill Cosby, like so many predators before him, his reputation is now tarnished and he’ll be saddled with this “sexually violent” label forever just because he drugged, assaulted, raped and sought to destroy more women than there are players on a full NFL roster.

Really, I can’t help feeling that he, and men like him, are the REAL victims in all of this #metoo #timesup #whyididntreport #ibelieveher #believesurvivors hullabaloo.

Why can’t we just go back to how things were when it was understood that women shouldn’t talk about being sexually violated by a man or try to have him held accountable?

Everything was just so much easier, safer and better then.

Well, not for women… but, you know, for men who sexually assault women and the people who protect and encourage that culture.

——

To those of you who have experienced sexual assault and harassment:

I see you and I believe you.

You, your experiences and your justice matter more than your attacker’s reputation; the fault and blame are not yours no matter the circumstances.

Although it is very natural to feel alone, you do not have to be. The damage done to you does not have to define you and this shame is not yours to carry.

You are loved and more than worthy of that love.

Helpful links:

• if you have experienced a sexual assault please visit http://www.ksacc.ca/ for support; they understand and it’s never too late to get help.
• https://www.tru.ca/sexual-violence/resources.html
• http://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/violence-against-women
• Y Women’s Emergency Shelter: emergency line (250) 374-6162