Are we doing enough for our children?

Jun 18, 2018 | 6:46 AM

KAMLOOPS — The Rose Garden at Riverside Park was all sparkle and glamour on Saturday. Some of this year’s graduates, their families and friends were gathered for pictures and later, the grand march. The buzz was palpable. Big smiles, laughter, dresses and coats adjusted, nothing was left to chance. I was invited to be part of it by close friends whose daughter graduated. I took photos of their family, of their daughter, then we sat in the shade and chatted until the grand march was to begin.

The conversation drifted from the glamorous moment to the journey that only parents can talk about. The hiccups. The worries. The ‘holding-your-breath’ moments, and of course, the joy. The love that withstands anything and carries us parents over the hurdles and through the hoops; the hope.

As the graduates and their opposite-sex parent marched along the paths lined with families, friends, and anyone else mesmerized by the ceremony, a thought nagged at me, again. It’d be fair to say that it’s been growing alongside my boys, who are not yet of graduation age, but slowly approaching. The thought: are we doing enough? As parents, as a society, as educators and all the other roles adults play in children’s lives.

In asking that I am not simply setting myself up to be blasted with questions like: ‘are you serious?’, ‘do they need more than the excess they’re already getting which makes them entitled?’ or statements such as ‘if anything, we are doing too much and they do not know what resilience means, and what being an adult means.’ You get the gist.

Yes, today’s young people can be entitled, demanding, less resilient than previous generations, etc. But before we judge, we must look at the whole picture. The stats that roll in every now and then tell a story that speaks of an increased risk of mental illness among today’s youth. We now know that up to 70 percent of mental illnesses show up before the age of 18. Because mental illness still carries a big stigma, and because there aren’t enough resources to deal with mental health issues in children and adolescents, and let’s not forget, because nowadays social isolation is rising (despite a bubbling hot social media environment,) there are many a sad story of children falling through the cracks.

In British Columbia, according to the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA,) suicide is the second leading cause of death in 15 to 24-year-olds, after accidental death. That alone is reason to ponder. Hidden mental illness, reduced or absent resilience, which could happen for so many reasons and so many of them, if any, are not up to our children to develop on their own but to be guided towards, insecurities of so many kinds, peer pressure. This is a long and troublesome list. Add to that the occasional and unfortunate lack of intellectual challenge in educational institutions (no matter how much kids would say they hate school, lack of stimulation is way harder to take then a stimulating class which both challenges you and helps you prove to yourself that you can do it) and you have a shaky ground for children to stay on.

The above combination alone needs lots of work. But, that is not a complete list. Our children’s developing brains need no mind-altering substances such as alcohol and drugs (way too many and varied, some of which you may have not heard about) and yet they have access to that too. And the problems that comes with them.

Less than two weeks ago, in Victoria, a 16-year-old boy died of an overdose. Two months ago, there was another similar heartbreaking story. Children lost to a war they should not be fighting in the first place. A person’s death is a traumatizing event in their loved ones’ lives. I cannot see anything more heartbreaking than a child’s death. As a society, losing one child to something that (albeit with much effort and a lot of hard work) can be resolved, step by step, should be enough to make us rethink the way to raise them.

Are we doing enough to ensure that families, more so the most vulnerable ones (single parent, financially, health, or mental health-wise) have access to enough resources and education to help them bring up their children in the best way possible?

Are we doing enough to ensure that the education system looks at the value of children acquiring worthwhile knowledge rather than passing grades, which many quite often do not but pass anyway? Are we doing enough to teach them from a young age about mental health issues, so that gradually the stigma becomes but a shadow that no longer casts darkly over them and their families, and over them as they become young adults?

Are we as parents doing enough to ensure that we raise resilient children by giving them the very necessities of life starting with unconditional love and enough chores to build a sense of responsibility? Are we doing enough to ensure they have enough free playing time at home and with other children so that they learn about the intricacies of social life not through social media platforms but from directly living life?

Are we doing enough to ensure that we are spending enough time with them, listening, and guiding them, reinforcing the bond that is challenged along the way by so much?

Are we building communities where everyone, adults, and children alike, can feel they belong and can count on each other? It seems almost surreal to say it as such and yet people do it in many places, here in Canada and all over the world. Creating villages, even in the middle of a big city. We are wired to never be alone, to rely on each other, to help each other out and to fuel many of our societal activities, most of all child rearing, with empathy.

Our children can only benefit from us all asking ourselves these questions and striving to do enough to give them a good chance to become resilient, dependable, and able to create a world that sees no child falling through cracks, no parents struggling on their own. Ironically, some things we need to do less of in order to do enough: less bubble-wrapping, less overprotection and less scheduling of activities that leave them little time to simply be. Some, we need to do more: more connecting in real life, more dinners together, more listening and more empathy. More being in nature together. More trust and more reminders that all we have is now, and now is the time to help build our tomorrows on.

It’s possible. I truly believe so. We all need to believe that.