The ‘It’s not who I am’ excuse doesn’t work anymore

This idea that we can compartmentalize our actions after the fact isn’t a new thing, but social media’s ability to catch us in the act has made it common.

Since when does saying, “It’s not who I am” make it OK? After all, if it wasn’t who we are, we wouldn’t have done it.

And, thankfully, it’s not working for Kelly Pocha. She’s the woman identified as being videotaped in a Lethbridge Denny’s unleashing a shocking stream of racist, foul-mouthed invective at a group of men sitting in a booth behind her.

The confrontation goes on for several minutes, with the woman telling the men they should speak English and go back to Syria. She is “a Canadian woman,” she declares in the video, and in her opinion the men “are not Canadians.”

Now, three weeks later, she admits it was inappropriate. “If I could take it back I would, but I can’t,” she told Lethbridge News Now. “It’s not who I am.”

But nobody’s buying it.

Sure, we’d all like to take back embarrassing moments, especially ones in which we misbehave so badly. But since her public apology comes only after the video was posted, it seems a little late in coming.

Even now, Pocha says words were exchanged before the video begins that show she was provoked. She doesn’t get it that no provocation can excuse her reaction.

And her excuse that she had been drinking at the restaurant isn’t an excuse at all.

She’s lost her job over it and maybe that’s enough. Or is it? There appear to be no legal consequences in the offing. She can’t be ordered, for example, to take sensitivity training but it would clearly be advisable. Maybe she’ll come to understand that.

And maybe she’ll take the opportunity to attend a Citizenship ceremony, where she’ll realize just how terrible and inappropriate her words and her way of thinking are.

I’ve had the honour of attending and speaking at quite a number of those ceremonies over the years, and they leave a deep impression of why cultural and ethnic diversity adds such strength to our country.

It’s not an exaggeration to say immigrants who take the oath of allegiance to Canada know more about our country than many who were born here. Those of us born in Canada won the lottery on citizenship but those who come from away have worked hard to get it.

The pride they feel at becoming Canadian is enough to bring tears to your eyes.

That’s why it’s easy to understand that when one of the men in the Denny’s restaurant said, “We’re all Canadians,” it had special meaning for him.

And when she retorted several times, “No, you’re not Canadian,” it was the most hurtful thing she could say.

She does not, of course, represent the people of Lethbridge or Cranbrook, where she and her husband live, and certainly not of Canadians. At this writing the video has drawn 1.7 million views and is making international news while she endures a public shaming.

It’s also the worst possible kind of publicity for the town of Lethbridge, which is now in full damage control.

It would be nice to think it couldn’t happen in Kamloops. We’re blessed to have several thousand international students from around the world attending TRU and our public schools, and a diverse ethnic population.

In reality, there are probably some here who would be capable of repeating the Lethbridge scenario — being exactly who they are and letting it be known.

We should wish the best for Kelly Pocha, that she confronts who she is and does something about it. Just as importantly, the rest of us will hopefully learn from it as well.

by Armchair Mayor

The ‘It’s not who I am’ excuse doesn’t work anymore

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