Image Credit: Mel Rothenburger

By Mel Rothenburger

Armchair Mayor

ROTHENBURGER: Announcing the Armchair Mayor Bad News Awards for 2023

Dec 30, 2023 | 8:27 AM

IT’S AWARDS SEASON. We’ve already had the People’s Choice Awards, the Hollywood Film Awards, and the New York Film Critics awards. Coming up are the Golden Globes, Critics’ Choice Movie Awards, and then it will be on to the Oscars.

The most prestigious of all, though, is one of the lesser known, which is sometimes the way it is. I’m talking about the 2023 Armchair Mayor’s Bad News Awards. The reason they’re lesser known is because they haven’t been handed out since the ‘70s. That’s about to change.

Back in the day, they were called the Kamloops News Annual Bad News Awards. The troops in the newsroom would sit around and toss out ideas for worthy recipients and we’d eventual narrow them down to a half dozen or so.

We no longer have printed newspapers but that’s no reason not to hand out awards. This past year has simply been too productive news-wise not to reprise them. So, the Armchair Mayor newsroom (that would be me) has come up with some worthy recipients crying out to be recognized.

The envelopes please.

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THE FACE THE FACTS AWARD to Mark Zuckerberg, the Facebook boss who cut Canadians off from being able to access news through his social media platform because he’s pouting over a move by Ottawa to make him pay for the privilege. A new height in corporate petulance was reached when the blockade wasn’t even lifted during the terrible wildfires in our region so people could get crucial information about what was going on.

THE SMELLS LIKE ROSES TO ME AWARD goes to Coun. Stephen Karpuk for his unforgettable moment of embarrassment when he tried to discredit Mayor Reid Hamer-Jackson by claiming the mayor had told a fart joke at a public dinner. The hapless councillor apologized when he found out somebody else, not the mayor, was responsible. To this day, the incident is known as Fartgate.

THE INTERNATIONAL GOODWILL AWARD to Parliament for unanimously rising, twice, during a visit by Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, to applaud a former soldier who had fought for the Nazi side in World War Two. It might not have done much for Canada-Ukraine relations but Vladimir Putin was pleased indeed.

THE WALK IN THE PARK AWARD to the B.C. Supreme Court ruling, revealed only yesterday, that provincial legislation restricting the consumption of illicit drugs in public would cause “irreparable harm” and will be blocked at least temporarily. The legislation was created after mayors pointed out the negative effects of decriminalizing certain illicit drugs. The bill recognized that open consumption of such drugs near public buildings, bus stops, playgrounds, parks and beaches is not conducive to the public’s enjoyment of its own facilities. You might even say it’s harmful.

THE CATCH ME IF YOU CAN AWARD to Kamloops drivers who continue to accept the rules of the road as mere concepts rather than the law. They ignore red lights, change lanes without looking, break speed limits with enthusiasm, and generally act as though there’s not a chance in the world they might kill somebody, including themselves.

THE IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED AWARD to the Thompson-Nicola Regional District board of directors for their determination in giving themselves pay raises of up to 15 per cent for the coming year. After they discovered they’d voted for a raise but neglected to state the amount, they corrected it at the next meeting. The board as a whole narrowly wins this award over the other nominee, TNRD Chair Barbara Roden, for defending the raises with her comment that, “you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.” Say no more.

THE ABC AWARD to the provincial government for removing letter grades from report cards even though almost nobody, especially parents, thought it was a good idea. From Kindergarten to Grade 9, letters are replaced with “emerging, developing, proficient and extending.” Premier Eby and his troops receive an ‘F’ for forgetting the Lewis Carroll wisdom that “The proper definition of a (hu)man is an animal that writes letters.”

THE OUT OF NOWHERE AWARD to the BC Conservatives who are suddenly in second place in the polls behind the NDP and ahead of BC United, bringing the political futures of MLAs Peter Milobar and Todd Stone into question should there be a rightwing — or leftwing — voting tsunami that washes into the Interior in the provincial election next fall. And all because B.C. voters apparently don’t know the difference between B.C. and federal Conservatives, and haven’t yet heard of BC United.

THE OVER-EXPOSURE AWARD goes to all of Kamloops City council, the folks whose fumbles and stumbles that, on the one hand, taxpayers are tired of hearing and reading about but, on the other, can’t avert their eyes from. Be it the mayor’s burning car, City Hall investigations, taped conversations or the province’s sudden removal of former MLA and former mayor Peter Fassbender as a special advisor/referee, it’s all City Hall all the time. This venerable award was originally named in honour of nightclub dancer Linda Adams, renowned for becoming the first topless and bottomless dancer to perform publicly in River City. Her lawyer challenged prosecutors to prove she wasn’t wearing a toupee. They didn’t; she still lost and had to pay a dollar.

There were many other worthy contenders, of course, but due to supply chain issues we’re unable to extend the list. Late entries will be considered for Honourable Mentions.

Mel Rothenburger is a regular contributor to CFJC Today, publishes the ArmchairMayor.ca opinion website, and is a recipient of the Jack Webster Foundation Lifetime Achievement Award. He has served as mayor of Kamloops, school board chair and TNRD director, and is a retired daily newspaper editor. He can be reached at mrothenburger@armchairmayor.ca.

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Editor’s Note: This opinion piece reflects the views of its author, and does not necessarily represent the views of CFJC Today or Pattison Media.