By Refraction

NEUSTAETER: Better late than never — why we need to start listening to each other

Jan 20, 2019 | 6:00 AM

I must admit that I have never been a great listener.

Almost every report card of my entire life read some version of, “Katie’s a great student but she would greatly benefit from listening to others more.” I remember thinking, “Awesome! They said I was a great student… and something else.” See what I did there? That’s some great irony, meaning: they were absolutely right. I’ve continued to be a bad listener for a very long time; it’s a groove that I wore into the paths of my mind and it isn’t an easy habit to change, but I’m trying.

So many of us have become terrible listeners and it’s a problem that has never been more evident to me than in the last few months; 2019 in particular feels like it started out unusually contentious for many people for a multitude of reasons and we’re only halfway through January.

It seems like everyone is cranky and a lot of people are spoiling for a fight.

I don’t know what the bigger, root problem is beneath all of the current combativeness going on in our world and I also don’t have any easy answers, but like many other people, I’m really trying to work it out by asking myself the hard questions so that I can do my part to help make it better.

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At this point I’m pretty sure that at least a piece of the problem is that we’re spending a whole lot of time being offended that other people have different opinions than our own instead of trying to listen and understand other perspectives. Too often we don’t want to see things from another worldview, lest it threaten our own; forget meeting someone halfway, we refuse to even take one step down the road by hearing them out. How can we walk a mile in another man’s shoes when we don’t even want to loosen our own firmly knotted laces?

We have to start by being willing to listen.

For much of history, countries, provinces or even cities, were mostly inaccessible to each other and, in the overall scheme of things, neighbours generally thought alike. But now the thoughts, opinions, experiences and wounds of each person far and wide are accessible in a heartbeat and the world has never been so small.

We hear and are influenced by innumerable perspectives from different corners of the world every day — in the comments sections, in articles, in news, on TV, on social media, etc. — which is a great and beautiful thing! Having so many different perspectives speaking into our lives is an asset that should be celebrated, but it can also be terrifying to find out how many opinions there are in the world that challenge our own beliefs, upbringing, self-interests, assumptions, entitlements and privileges.

Because communication between people who are not like-minded is so accessible, listening to each other has never been more important; we need to start raising our ability to actually listen to each other again, or maybe truly for the first time.

We can’t go on hating one another for having different opinions, refusing to try to understand each other’s perspectives, and still expect favorable results.

We can’t keep digging in our heels and screaming, “I’m completely right and you’re completely wrong!” and expect anything to change, because it isn’t working and it isn’t getting us anywhere.

Can grace, compassion, forgiveness and empathy become as popular as bullying, threats, agenda pushing, anger and mockery? We’ll be better, wiser, happier, safer, more successful, unified and productive if we use our differences as strengths instead of allowing them to further divide us.

In short: No matter which side of the aisle, argument, tracks, perspective, pipeline, hashtag or grass you are yelling from, it’s time to start listening more so that we can fight less.

But it begins with me.

To every teacher I ever had: I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you sooner, but I promise I’m working on it now. Better late than never.

Editor’s Note: This opinion piece reflects the views of its author, and does not necessarily represent the views of CFJC Today or the Jim Pattison Broadcast Group.