SOUND OFF: Valleyview letter was over the top
DEAR EDITOR, I was deeply moved by the heartwarming tale of Valleyview, where apparently every resident is either a courageous firefighter, a beloved former mayor’s relative, or someone who exchanges prized bush clippings. What a magical place where everyone has lived for generations, except of course for those “two young families” who were graciously allowed to move in recently (after passing the rigorous bush-clipping exchange ritual, I assume).
I particularly appreciated learning about the grave threat of “240+ eyeballs” staring down at family barbecues. The mathematical precision really drives home the horror — though I wonder if they accounted for people who might blink or wear sunglasses?
The concern about sunshine is especially touching. As we all know, tall buildings don’t just cast shadows — they steal sunshine, storing it away in their sinister “Gotham Towers” like some sort of architectural vampire. Soon they’ll be trafficking in stolen sunbeams, leaving innocent garden gnomes to wither in darkness.
But what truly sets this letter apart is its stirring call to arms to “protect the families who have lived here for generations” from the terrifying prospect of… new neighbors wanting to live in the community. Because nothing says “welcoming community” quite like a GoFundMe campaign to hire attorneys to keep people out.
