The Scoop on Johnny Depp’s Marriage

Johnny Depp‘s testimony in London’s High Court on Friday in court entered new realms of surreality. He is there in a libel case against The Sun, suing the paper for referring to him as a “wife beater,” but the case has largely devolved into a tell-all about his fraught marriage to Amber Heard.

POOP

The latest scoop has Depp dubbing his ex “Amber Turd,” after she pooped his bed in an alleged prank after a wild birthday party. Depp told the court: “It was one of the most absurd, unexpected statements that I have ever witnessed in my life, so yes, initially I did laugh because it was so strange.”

The Sun‘s lawyer Sasha Wass also noted that another nickname he invented was “Amber in the Dumps.”

Depp called the feces the final straw: “I thought that was an oddly fitting end to the relationship.”

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CUTTING

An audio recording of Depp begging Heard to cut him was also played in court. “You wanna cut me?” the Pirates of the Caribean star, 57, asked Heard in July 2016. “Cut me wherever you want. You wanna cut me somewhere. On the arm, chest? Where you wanna start? Cut me!”

Heard said: “Don’t cut your skin. Please do not cut your skin. Why would you do that? Please do not.”

The incident happened a month before their divorce.

Speaking of cutting, Depp allegedly threatened to cut off Elon Musk‘s penis after Heard of having an affair with Heard while they were married. Musk has denied having an affair with Heard, but the pair did date for a year after she and Depp split.

ATTENTION

Depp said that Heard demanded constant attention during their marriage: “But on occasion, out of nowhere, if my hand wasn’t holding Ms Heard’s hand or I didn’t have my arm around her or whatever, she would reach over and grab my hand and put it on her thigh, so that I was then feeding the attention that she wanted. It was almost as if there were rules, she has a routine and if that routine isn’t met to her standards then there was going to be a problem.”

Wass alleged that on the night of the feces incident, which happened after her 30^th birthday, Depp picked up a magnum bottle of champagne and threw it at Heard. Wass then alleged that he pushed her onto the bed adding “when she tried to leave, you blocked the bedroom door and you tried to grab her hair”.

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Heard’s allegations of sexual violence were heard privately in court, without press or the public present.

The case will continue next week.