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By Katie Neustaeter

REFRACTION

NEUSTAETER: Doing it for the gram: when you no longer know who likes you

May 5, 2019 | 1:56 AM

A while ago, I asked a businessman at a networking event if his wife was there as well. He replied, “She doesn’t want to spend a lot of time with me these days and we’re not doing so well…she didn’t come tonight even though I begged her. But she has 24 thousand followers on Instagram and gets hundreds of ‘likes’ on every picture she posts! Want to see?!”

Uhhhh, no thanks.

This week Instagram announced that in an effort to encourage users to focus beyond the “likes” they receive, they are testing a new feature that will hide the number from public view while still allowing users to see it privately. In this way, users can still monitor their engagement levels and the effectiveness of their content without the distraction and pressure of public approval.

*Cue the applause and the relief.*

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20 years ago if you had said the words “Social Media Influencer” you would have been met with blank stares, but in 2019 a Social Media Influencer is a very real and often profitable profession or “side hustle”.

Sometimes Social Media Influencers are people who are using their public platform to make a positive impression on the world and promote values and products with integrity and purpose, but often a Social Media Influencer is a person who has built their livelihood around writing things like, “It doesn’t matter if people like you, just be you!” and then deciding whether to delete that post based on how many “likes” it gets on Instagram. (Oh irony, Social Media is thy name.)

The first group of Influencers are the people who will not flip out about the number of likes being hidden because they haven’t built their whole identity on how strangers react to them; they care more about the long term importance of mental health and building a compassionate, authentic society than the number under the image.

The latter are those who will go into a full-life-panic-spiral at the thought of losing the visible public approval of others and will immediately try to still trumpet how many likes a picture of them standing alone in a public bathroom while giving duck lips over their shoulder garnishes in order to feel validated (*hint: these are not the people you want your children following).

But it isn’t just “influencers” who have begun gauging their value according to how many “likes” each post receives on a social media platform; it’s regular users too.

I’ll be the first one to admit that I’ve had to have the “Katie, it does not matter how many ‘likes’ it gets” talk with myself more than once because it’s incredibly easy for the number to change from a tool to a hindrance when given too much credence.

The real questions should be: Is it honest? Is it true? Do I like it? Could both my grandparents and grandchildren read this without complete humiliation?

While it’s embarrassing to me to admit that I sometimes stumble into the numbers trap, the fact is that those likes can be as addictive as anything else*. Furthermore, it reminds me that if I find it hard to remember not to judge my worth and value by the reaction I receive to an Instagram picture as a 37 year old mother of 3, then how much harder must it be for a teenager?

Youth are amongst those most powerfully impacted by the performance of and response to a social media post, and this is truer on Instagram than any other platform*.

A teenager’s popularity, social status and the impact they have amongst their peers is often derived now from how many “likes” they can get on a picture; sometimes even determining whether they will be bullied or glorified at school. In this digital age, a youth’s preferences, choices and how they spend their money is often decided based on how many “likes” they see someone or something else getting on their go-to social media platform.

Additionally, this week I heard one youth argue in favour of visible likes on Instagram by saying that, “You can determine if something like a news story is true by how many ‘likes’ it gets. If it has a lot of likes you know it must be true, but if it doesn’t then it’s probably made up.”

In other words, kids are learning that truth is determined by popularity instead of facts.

What confusing times to live and grow up in.

Life is not about the likes, and with that in mind, this seems like an particularly apt time to intentionally stop and ask ourselves a few questions:

What if social media goes black tomorrow; what will you be left with?

What if the “likes” and praise were all to stop; will you still know who you are?

What if it no longer brings you joy or your circumstances change and make it impossible; can you stop posting and be ok?

And perhaps the most important question of all:

Will you still like you and will you still know your worth if it can no longer be judged by doing it for the gram?

* https://www.google.ca/amp/s/amp.cnn.com/cnn/2019/04/30/tech/instagram-hiding-likes/index.html

* https://www.google.ca/amp/time.com/4793331/instagram-social-media-mental-health/%3famp=true

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Editor’s Note: This opinion piece reflects the views of its author, and does not necessarily represent the views of CFJC Today or the Jim Pattison Broadcast Group.