LEGASSIC: Focusing on honesty after losing someone to suicide

The hardest part was saying how she died — by suicide. We were teenagers and this was far out of our realm of understanding.

Our friend group ranged between the ages of 16 to 18 years old. I was the youngest (I had skipped a grade in elementary school and was in my graduating year of high school), and Chelsey was 17. A month later and she would have celebrated her 18th birthday.

Each year on May 2, I go back to that day. I relive every second, minute and hour, often debating if I could have done something differently, if I did something wrong.

It’s the only day I allow myself to go there, even though I know there’s nothing I could have done to change her course.

During the other 364 days of the year, I advocate for more mental health resources, encourage people to be more open with their own struggles, while taking care of my own mental health.

Some days it’s much easier said than done, other days it’s effortless. But every day, it’s what drives me.

Chelsey died one month before our high school graduation. While we dressed up in our fancy dresses and got our hair done, we all grieved for our friend. There are photos of each of us from graduation day holding up a photograph of Chels. It was officially the last photo any of us would take with her.

Some people have an image of what a suicidal person looks like, but the truth is there’s no “one size fits all” demographic.

Chels was popular, beautiful; she had this amazing platinum blonde hair and an unbelievable smile. Her sense of humour was incredible, witty at all the right times. Plenty of people would say she was the happiest person they knew.

In reality she was far from it. She kept her battle with depression secret from most people, which made the news even more jarring for us.

I often wonder how things would have turned out if she let us in, and let us help her.

There’s no going back; you can’t change the past, as they say. But you can change the future. That starts with honesty and openness.

I’m not the sole member of the “I lost someone to suicide” club — far from it. Everyone grieves in different ways, and for some people it’s too painful to admit that their loved one took their own life.

Let’s not let those deaths be in vain. Instead, let’s change the way we talk about mental health, mental illness, and our struggles.

If we all could take small steps toward being more open with the battles we fight alone, maybe we wouldn’t have to fight alone.

If you are in crisis, call the Canada Suicide Prevention Service at 1 (833) 456-4566, connect to the Crisis Text Line by texting 686868, or if you’re 20 or younger, call Kids Help Phone at 1 (800) 668-6868.

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Editor’s Note: This opinion piece reflects the views of its author, and does not necessarily represent the views of CFJC Today or the Jim Pattison Broadcast Group.

by Ashley Legassic

LEGASSIC: Focusing on honesty after losing someone to suicide

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