By Refraction

NEUSTAETER: Baby, It’s Cold Outside — but we need to chill out

Dec 9, 2018 | 6:00 AM

THIS WEEK MANY RADIO STATIONS (including CBC, Rogers Media and Bell Media) announced their decisions to pull the classic holiday song Baby, It’s Cold Outside because of complaints about the lyrics being controversial and offensive.

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To put myself in context for those who don’t know me:

1. I’m a self-proclaimed feminist, which, to me, means believing that genders should be unilaterally respected, treated as completely equal and appreciated as very different from each other.
2. I think that rape culture is a real and pervasive thing and that it shouldn’t have taken us so long to start talking about and confronting it.
3. I support the #metoo movement, have extraordinary compassion for those who have survived sexual assault or harassment and have stories of my own experiences (as most women do).
4. I have been vocal and have publicly written about all of those things.

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So I understand why people might have bought into the perception that Baby, It’s Cold Outside is just another contributor to culture’s cavalier attitude toward women being put in frightening or compromising positions, or pressured or forced into having sex without consent.

But here’s the problem: no matter how much we ardently want to change this unacceptable aspect of our culture, this particular song is nothing more than a red herring. It does not actually promote rape, rape culture, sexual assault, sexual harassment or even sexual coercion.

When we take something like Baby, It’s Cold Outside completely out of context and choose to hold it up like a major contributor to the problem (worthy of censorship even) we begin to miss the mark and undermine the conversation entirely.

The song is a call and response, equal participation, fun, flirty and playful duet written in 1944 by a husband for his wife so that they could sing together at a Christmas party. It is not the erosion of consent, but actually a fairly healthy example of how playful interactions can happen between two consenting partners.

Although objectors will say that some of the lyrics traditionally sung by the woman can be disturbing when isolated, removed from context and tone and put through the lens of date rape (i.e. “say, what’s in this drink?”, “the answer is no” and “I simply must go”), it isn’t actually an accurate or holistic representation of what’s happening between the couple.

The female voice also chooses to winkingly say things like, “maybe just a half a drink more”, “I ought to say no, no, no“ and “at least I’m going to say that I tried”.

She is playful, indulgent, consciously flirtatious, enjoying herself and willingly staying.

The same objectors will also say that the lyrics traditionally sung by the man are coercive, using them as evidence that the song is nefarious and reinforces the belief that it’s okay to manipulate and guilt a woman into sex (i.e.“what’s the sense in hurting my pride”, “how can you do this thing to me” and “think of my lifelong sorrow”).

But that argument ignores the fact that he also asks, “mind if I move in closer?” and never once forces her to stay or participate in any way; he actually spends more time listening than advancing.

He is responding to the conversation that she consistently initiates.

Together, in harmony, they sing “Baby, it’s cold outside” as they mutually find reasons to do what she wants (i.e. stay together) instead of bowing to the societal expectations of their day (i.e. the opinions of her mother, father, aunt, sister, etc. that she mentions).

We have to apply discernment and critical thinking when addressing such important and sensitive topics and make realistic benchmarks for where we draw our lines for what’s socially acceptable. Those benchmarks shouldn’t be gauged by the yardstick of political correctness gone wrong.

Also, sometimes it’s okay to just change the station if you don’t like what’s playing — like I do with much more reasonably objectionable songs like Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines, Maroon 5’s Animal or even Every Breath You Take by the Police (cuz, come on, those are legitimately creepy songs!) or three-quarters of all rap music.

Admittedly, I find it weird to be defending Baby, It’s Cold Outside because I don’t even particularly like the song: it wasn’t a classic in my house, I have no sentimental attachment to it, it isn’t that great and it isn’t even about Christmas.

But baby, while it may be cold outside, we all still need to chill out before we diminish the impact of this conversation because we don’t know how to pick our battles.