By Refraction

NEUSTAETER: The elusive work-life balance — what don’t you do?

Dec 2, 2018 | 4:00 AM

WE HEAR ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME; the ever-elusive “work-life balance”.

Perhaps because there are so many more dual-earning households today than there were in the past, or maybe just because we’re finally realizing that “live to work” is actually kind of a crappy philosophy, our society seems to finally be re-evaluating our priorities and attempting to find a healthier way to have work and life coexist.

After nearly a decade at home raising babies, my own struggle to find the healthy middle ground has meant relinquishing control of some things after resuming my career.

I was used to doing everything for everyone and it has been exceedingly difficult to decide what is irresponsible and what is necessary to let go of in order to accommodate my career without sacrificing the care of my home and the people who live in it and vice versa.

I absolutely don’t have it all figured out; it’s pretty much a daily struggle. But when people ask me “how do you do it,” I have found that it is more helpful to tell them what I now don’t do, starting with the big three:

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1. I don’t do my children’s laundry.

I have three kids who are now closer to all being teenagers than being toddlers, but they have all done their own laundry for a long time now. Since the youngest was in kindergarten, she and her brothers have successfully — if at times painstakingly — washed, folded and put away their own clothes. To add a thin silver lining to this particular chore, we allow them to bring the iPad into their room and watch a show sibling-free while conquering the task. (Although I should mention that we did learn to set a time limit as one load of laundry could turn into a two-hour Fuller House marathon if you aren’t paying close attention.) I never wanted to be the mom who sent her kid to university not knowing how to separate whites and darks, so the results of this delegation are actually two-fold. (See what I did there? Laundry jokes help, too.)

2. I don’t do all of the cleaning.

For years my husband had been telling me that we should hire a cleaning company to come in and help, but I stubbornly refused. I felt that I had gone back to work to supplement our income and it was absurd to now pay someone to do what I had previously done for free. I also didn’t believe that anyone would clean to my standards. So instead of forking out the reasonable amount of money it would have taken to have someone come in and supplement the housework, I could be found scrubbing a toilet or vacuuming after a long day of work while trying to get dinner on the table with an all-but-visible storm cloud over my head.

But when extenuating circumstances forced me to bring someone in to help clean, it changed my life.

Pride is a funny thing and sometimes we discover that it’s all that stands between us and happiness.

Although I had continually rationalized it away, it turned out that it was not actually my budget or my standards that were the problem, it was my ego. I did not want to admit that working outside my home meant that I was capable of less inside my home. That recognition was a game-changer for this working mom.

3. I don’t pack lunches.

We try to always be conscientious about the groceries in the house and put guidelines in place (ie. one protein, two fruits/veggies, one treat) as well as spot check what they are packing, but by the time your kids are in Grade 1 they are more than capable of packing their own lunches with supervision. I still slip the occasional note or treat into their lunches, but by-and-large packing lunches is something they are capable of and can reasonably be expected to do themselves with some support. Additionally, I found that if they packed it themselves they’re far more likely to actually eat it, too.

If any of these chores bring you joy and don’t feel like a burden, then three cheers for you and feel no pressure to change!

But if you’re exhausted, overworked and struggling to “do it all” then consider what you can delegate in your home in order to achieve a better work-life balance and know that letting some of those things go does not make you a failure. It makes both you and your family more capable, better equipped, less desperate and a whole lot happier.

I’m still learning every day how to achieve better balance, so drop your suggestions in the comment section.

What don’t you do in order to achieve a better work-life balance?