NEUSTAETER: Looking out for my number one — my lesson in poverty

While we felt the pressure, panic and urgency of our circumstances, within the first two weeks we came up with a decent system that enabled us to strategically liquidate assets, pay bills, get each family member to where they needed to be and still buy groceries/medication, etc.

It was intense, but at the end of the simulation I was feeling pretty good (almost guilty…) about the fact that we had ended the experiment with our family intact (some families had members in jail, a shelter, removed by child services, etc.) and even had a chunk of change in our pockets.

I recognized that our circumstances began a lot better than others in the room, but we had worked hard and accomplished what I had started to think of as our goal: survive a month in poverty.

But then the debrief began and my heart sank as people related their different experiences:

One woman had completed the entire simulation as an isolated senior and she had been giving money away to other families who looked like their need was greater than hers, but she was incredibly lonely while everyone else rushed through their own panicked lives around her.

A young mom had faced challenge after challenge until she ended up living in her car with her baby, unable to work because of childcare challenges and lack of stable support system; she was completely defeated.

One family managed to get ahead financially but their teenager ended up dealing drugs and was eventually put in prison.

Another family was evicted because they couldn’t make it to the bank on time to pay their mortgage because of the hours of their work shift.

I grew uncomfortable as I held our plastic bag full of money that we had squirreled away but would now profit no one; while I was stockpiling cash and completely absorbed by the needs of my immediate world, other families were suffering only feet away.

My takeaway from the Poverty Simulation was different than I expected. Yes it built a tremendous amount of empathy in me for those struggling to make ends meet while facing adversity at every turn, but it also got a lot more personal.

It left me wondering, “How often do I ignore the needs of others while focusing on myself?”

My perspective shifted as I realized the goal had not actually been to “survive a month in poverty”. The simulation was designed to increase empathy for those who are trapped in the often inescapable cycle of poverty and give a realistic view of the stress, frustration and impossible choices that people face. In my experience that meant realizing that there are almost always people with needs greater than mine.

We often hear that people should “pull themselves up by their bootstraps” but that’s much easier to do if you already have boots.

In that simulation I felt like I had nothing to spare, but the reality is that I did. Maybe, no matter where we started in life, we need to give our spare “boots” to someone who is barefoot.

Could I have invited that lonely woman to come do life with us?

Could I have offered to join that young mom’s life with ours?

Could I have given money away that would have helped those other struggling families?

Yes, I could have, but not until I looked up and saw their need.

If we are committed to loving and caring for others we must first see them, release our self-obsession, loosen the fingers that clutch our own security and remember that when “we all do better, we all do better”.

I may have failed in some respects this time, but I walked away that day asking myself, “Whose need will I see this week and how will I act on that?”, so I’m hopeful that next time might be different.

If, like me, you’re someone who believes that this broken world needs more empathy, compassion, understanding and generosity, then I recommend that you participate in the United Way’s next Poverty Simulation in the Spring of 2019.

And I would love to hear about your experience when you do.

by Refraction

NEUSTAETER: Looking out for my number one — my lesson in poverty

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