The R-Word

KAMLOOPS — I think that most of us can agree that political correctness has gone too far. It’s becoming difficult to have a conversation without worrying that something you say, despite context or intent, will be inadvertently offensive.

So I understand why many people are resistant to changing their vocabulary or removing the latest frowned-upon word from their vernacular; however there are a few terms that should be unequivocally and universally nullified from our everyday language, not because they are politically incorrect, but because they are legitimately and verifiably offensive.

But there’s one word that many people still seem to be ok with that falls definitively into the “red zone” of acceptability as far as I’m concerned; the “R-Word”.

Every time someone uses the word “retarded” or “retard” I recoil.

Within the last few weeks, and in a variety of social contexts, I have heard the R-Word used casually in reference to things that would have been better described by the word “stupid”, “ignorant”, “useless” or “idiotic”.

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When I was growing up the word “retarded” was still used regularly as a substitute for an insult, even though it was already gently frowned upon. It wasn’t until I had a personal encounter with an individual with a developmental disability who had been negatively impacted by the derogatory use of the R-Word that my eyes were truly opened.

I was helping a young man with developmental delays as a part of my University practicum and he was struggling to transfer the knowledge he had in his head to the page in front of him.

He suddenly started hitting himself hard in the head and yelling, “It’s because I’m a retard! I’m retarded! I’m a stupid retard! I can’t do it because I’m retarded and retarded is stupid!”

We put down our pencils, closed the books and took a breather.

After he had calmed down I asked him about what he had said and he told me again, but calmly and matter-of-factly, that he was a retard and that retards are stupid.

We had a conversation about how it’s unhealthy to speak about ourselves or others in negative ways, about how all people are fundamentally special and valuable, about how our weaknesses don’t define us, about all that he was capable of and about the ways in which he was intelligent despite his disabilities.

I don’t know if that conversation managed to disrupt the negative loop that played in his mind when he was frustrated with his limitations, but I do believe that the more we speak words of encouragement and love over people the better the odds are that they can overcome their damaging internal dialogues.  

But I have to tell you, it broke my heart.

To this day I wonder how he came to believe those things about himself; who told him that?

Where did he hear that he was “retarded”? Or learn that the R-Word and stupidity are mutually exclusive? Who taught him that the word “retarded”, dated and offensive in every way, determined his capabilities?

And the answer just might be that we all did.

That was just my first personal experience with the effects of the “R word” on real, beautiful, vulnerable, important people.

Since that day I have had the privilege of meeting, working for and become friends with many individuals with developmental delays who are smarter, kinder and have more substantive value to offer the world than I ever will.

You don’t have to accommodate every political correctness that enters current culture, but when you flippantly use the R-Word to describe the frustrating photocopier, the senseless news of the day, the ignorant thing that someone said or the ridiculous traffic on your commute you hurt both the public and intrinsic perception of people with developmental disabilities.

It’s a small word, but it’s a big deal.

You should stop saying it all together, but at the very least, stop saying it in front of me.